I was reminiscing about my life the other day. What stood out at this particular occasion was all the pain I have had to endure and have gone through. It struck me that I have been slowly and deliberately crushed. Somehow I was reminded of Job’s fortune. How he as a perfectly righteous man saw the greater picture through what he suffered.
I was like a camel which couldn’t go through the eye of the needle. I believed I was rich. I was too full of myself to pass through. God’s intention was obviously to squeeze me through that tiny gap. In order to accomplish His goal this camel had to be diminished until there was nothing left. Then I quite easily passed through the eye of the needle.
It is in God we live, move and have our being so in reality I was on the inside with everything I am from the outset. However, my consciousness was on the outside gauging and assessing everything from that viewpoint. I saw God and life as a set of properties. God was full of love, mercy and unfortunately angry if I messed up. Life was defined by other properties, for instance sin, obedience, disobedience and how to become holy. That was all I could see from the outside. Those lists of properties are of course almost inexhaustible if we prefer to walk down that road.
On the inside, however, I am not anymore so preoccupied with properties. I am in the middle of a river which simply runs. I am a part of the working God, as Fynn in his book “Mister God, This is Anna” so wonderfully expresses. As a part of the functioning God I am in the midst of the whirlwind we call life. God doesn’t gauge and assess life. He just lives it. That’s all.
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